capacity

It's funny... I went through school with such a hunger for knowledge. Some people's parents pushed them to make good grades - some kids seemed almost bred by their parents to be intelligent.

I think my parents were probably absolutely shocked when I started making good grades in school, and got put in the honors courses. I just always remember my parents being supportive, excited, and always a little surprised at my next venture in school. I never felt pushed to make good grades or to devour the textbooks - I just did it because... well because I wanted to.

I loved math, I loved science, I loved reading, and I loved music. I loved doing well, I loved learning more, and I loved having the teacher's approval. After four years of high school, I looked forward to college - and then after four years of college - I was burned out. I had spent four years having to struggle a little more for the good grades in Chemistry classes. I was urged to go on to graduate school, but I had just had enough... the struggle had lost its luster for some reason. I loved being a student, but college specializes and gets bogged down in the details - and I so loved the generic big picture of science better than the tedious details.

So I left the world of academia and entered the work force. Tedious details became tedious monotonous details; and I just thought I was burned out at graduation. Wow. After about four years of living on my own, doing what I thought made me happy - I realized that my hunger for learning never got satisfied. There was still something missing. My first instinct when I have a question has always been to pick up a book for the answer; but I've finally realized I was picking up the wrong books.

All that effort and reading in the past seemed like it was amounting to something, but it just landed me jobs that I grow tired of after I reach what I think is my level of "best", and I'm ready to move on.

Now I've finally found some classes that mean something, some books that actually lead to something, and a knowledge that I'll never reach the end of - but won't ever get tired of trying. It's amazing the feeling to realize that God has given me an awesome capacity for learning - and finally using it to learn more about Him. I see that it's not easy for everyone - and I do put a lot of time in to it, but I love making the time for it. Even on my most frustrated days - I look forward to the classes at the end of my workday on Thursday. It's been hard - and it's only been a few weeks; but I've learned more and wanted to learn more than I ever have.

And I haven't just learned facts... I've learned that learning more about God just makes me realize how much I will never know about Him because He is so much bigger than we can ever describe with our words.

It was so funny how I started getting excited when I heard we were going to have these classes offered at the church. I started looking for my backpack - started wanting to buy school supplies; I was a first grader looking forward to learning how to read for the first time again. I had loved the theology classes I had already taken, and I was excited about having a whole course ahead of me.

I thank God for giving me the ability to soak up knowledge about Him, for the desire to do so, and for the opportunity He has placed before us. I'm so glad He brought me to Lakeview, with people like Pastor Mike and Jim who have the desire to teach those of who have the desire to learn.